Current situation

Post how you're feeling. Ask for support. Get others advice. Anything else that's depression related
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ACQPL
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Current situation

Post by ACQPL » Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:23 am

Thought I may as well fill some space and try to explain what goes on in my head here in relation to depression..

The conventional "thoughts" of depression: the emptiness, the lack of feeling, the smiling without smiles..

The feeling of nothing, when you should be happy for your best friend being married.
The lack of any emotion when a relative passes away.
The lack of conscious decision to shower in the morning. To skip breakfast, lunch and maybe remember that tea time actually exists.
The sheer force of feeling so unmotivated it's a wonder my brain manages to remember how I breathe.
Loosing 3 stone and wondering where is went.
Forgetting what being "happy" actually means. I have no idea what that feels like.
The sense of being so worthless, it's a wonder someone hasn't thrown you under the bus just for the laughs. Then you remember that it'd be bad to damage the paintwork, which is obviously more important.

Then the anxiety comes along, and good God it's a bad mix.

It's a wonder I function at all.

In a way I want someone to take notice. To take care of me. To grab hold of both my shoulders, shout at me, and tell me that they know I'm living a nightmare, and maybe just one day, I might wake up from it.
No wonder noone notices anyway. I have the nickname "ghost" for a very good reason.
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing"

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Phreak
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Post by Phreak » Fri Apr 21, 2017 8:55 am

ACQPL wrote:
Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:23 am
The conventional "thoughts" of depression: the emptiness, the lack of feeling, the smiling without smiles..
"Fake it until you make it" - Every day I slap on a smile and pretend to give a fuck about life
ACQPL wrote:
Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:23 am
The feeling of nothing, when you should be happy for your best friend being married.
Yea, you just smile and congratulate them and pretend to care when actually you're just empty inside
ACQPL wrote:
Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:23 am
The lack of any emotion when a relative passes away.
Both of my grandmothers passed away on the same day and I just felt nothong :-/
ACQPL wrote:
Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:23 am
The lack of conscious decision to shower in the morning. To skip breakfast, lunch and maybe remember that tea time actually exists.
TBH if I didn't have to go to work I'm not sure how often I'd shower :(. My breakfast tends to be a can of redbull or a coffee to make my wake up after feeling like I haven't slept at all even though I've had a reasonable amount of sleep. I've been having a tendency to over-eat recently for comfort and boredom, meh.
ACQPL wrote:
Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:23 am
The sheer force of feeling so unmotivated it's a wonder my brain manages to remember how I breathe.
Yeah, the lack of motivation sucks balls. Like when part of you wants to do something and the rest of you is just like "meh nah"
ACQPL wrote:
Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:23 am
Forgetting what being "happy" actually means. I have no idea what that feels like.
Happy is a thing now?
ACQPL wrote:
Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:23 am
The sense of being so worthless,
*hugs* It sucks doesn't it x
ACQPL wrote:
Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:23 am
Then the anxiety comes along, and good God it's a bad mix.
I'm lucky that most of the time my anxiety isn't too bad. It's crippling though isn't it.

-------

Hopefully you won't feel like I was trying to hijack your thread. I was more just trying to give personal examples of how I can relate. Hopefully your new meds will help a lot and you'll feel a lot better soon. You know where I am if you need me bro x

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ACQPL
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Post by ACQPL » Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:29 pm

No I don't feel like you were trying to hijack at all. It's good to have input from others, and it helps to know that I'm not alone in what I'm experiencing, even though it often feels that way.
Hopefully they will help.. Occupational health at work are now aware of my current predicament so I may well be placed on reduced hours, although I'm not convinced that will do more to help rather than harm. I need the structure that work gives me.
Thank you mate, much appreciated, as always. I do try to remember that!
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing"

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Post by Phreak » Fri Apr 21, 2017 5:01 pm

That sucks that Occupational Health is aware I'm guessing. Hopefully things will turn out okay. Reduced hours can either be a great thing or a terrible thing. Personally I find it best to keep busy. Having too much time on your hands can be either a blessing or a curse. Too much time to sit ruminating and thinking sucks balls

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